Back in the beginning of the fall semester I had a goal. The goal was to get this article published in the Oswegonian. Although it was August and Lebron James and his “decision” had already been discussed to ad nauseum. I still wanted in, I had something to say. For me writing mostly comes out of the feeling of necessity. I’ll have the feeling that what I’m discussing needs to be heard. Not so much in an arrogant way but perhaps in a “why isn’t anyone saying this?” This was a classic example of that. Although since the day of his free agency announcement Lebron had become subject to much criticism. From Cleveland, causal and die-hard fans and former players alike, I never saw anyone take a different perspective on something I felt was a legitimate argument. With that in mind I decided that perspective would come from me. What better way to express it than through the schools newspaper? Armed with that conviction and a pretty ambitious goal to be published in the newspaper of a school I had yet to attend a class at I went wrote for broke. Submitted and hoped for the best. Nonetheless…

This was the Final Result

Everyday when I wake up the same thing happens faithfully. I always wake up with a few lines of a song in my head. Most likely it’s going to be a rap song because the lyrics are what usually becomes embedded in my head.  The lyrics can range from super deep to something as whimsical and silly like ” How much they hated? Very! / Kiss girls like Katy Perry”. Today though it seemed to really be words that spoke to me. I woke up and I saw this overcast day and subconsciously thought about all the things that need to be done now, and in the near future when the semester starts. That’s when these words came to mind.

No compass comes with this life
Just eyessssss
So to map it out
You must look in-Siiiide
Sure books can guide you
But your heart defines you…

-Life is but a “Beach Chair”

I’m not really big on this whole idea of love or anything like that. Some people are really into that. I see them all the time on Facebook and etc; it’s just amazing how much people dedicate to the idea of being in love. That and pretending to live a life they don’t . Those two things are really prevalent in today’s happenings.

I’m not really so much into money as the picture would indicate. I mean I am to a certain extent . I enjoy money a lot. It provides me with so many freedoms and allows me to engage in the things I really enjoy. That’s why I never understood why people say money isn’t the key to happiness.Well being broke isn’t either. So how bout I take that money and try my chances. Like Lil Wayne said ” you can’t be broke and happy/ so me / I’m Mad Rich”.

What makes me go though is winning. I love life. I’m real into in fact. Maybe more so than the everyday human being.  I have this overwhelming desire to just succeed. Sometimes my “dreams” keep me up at night. That’s why when I go to sleep I try and keep my thoughts short and sweet. I Briefly think about the next day and that’s it. Otherwise I might never get to sleep thinking about all of the different thing I want to do. That’s what I love though. Somehow I find it a little more practical to be obsessed with winning and enjoying all of these different things than to worry about falling in love. For the record how many people do you know that DON’T fall in love? Now ask yourself how many people that you can say don’t enjoy life. How many people do you know that haven’t succeed? Exactly my point. The ratios on the probable answer when you take a minute to think about it are probably drastic. So with that said. I’ll let love do it’s inevitable thing, the money that’s just for tally not the pursuit and Life. Well that I will keep on chasing.

-Guess I’m Not a Love Jones, My Bad..

Me:

Simply Put.

This is so funny to me!

I actually had a professor just like that this past semester. I couldn’t believe it! In the beginning of the semester he gave that whole list of “rules” and blase. Said that we couldn’t use the bathroom unless it was an emergency. Right then and there I knew that I was going to break that rule, at the time though I thought it would be intentional.

Anyway the semester is rolling by and at times I would have to use the bathroom but I would hold it and do the infamous leg jiggle. Not this day though! For what ever reason I had to use the bathroom really bad and so class starts at 2:20 and finishes at 3:40 . I looked at my phone and saw that it was 3. I said aight I’m going [bump] that.

So I get up to leave the classroom and so as to not be rude I start walking behind him. He then turns to me and goes “uh where do you think your going” . I replied that I was going to the bathroom. He says” you cant go its a class rule you know that” , to which I then state buttt I have to use the bathroom he tells me to hold it. Despite his better efforts of telling me how people distract him from his lecture when we get up to use bathroom and how he only condones it if your ill , I walked pass the old man and went to the bathroom.

Kwame: 1

Old Man Prof: 0

p.s. : to the girl who sat in the front row. WHY would you agree with him and state that it is a classroom rule. WHY!

Tomorrow!!!! WOOT WOOT

Man, I love this show. I remember I used to always see this Ad for it at the train station. I would wonder what the hell is that show about? Then one day over a break I decided to watch the show. It instantly became my favorite show. I would be doing it a real injustice to sit here and try and give you the story plot if you dont already know; it but I am also doing you a huge favor by putting you on if you dont know about it. Trust me its worth it . I have a huge success rate with getting people to like this show. This girl I used to talk to , I introduced her to the show and she loved it so much she finished all of the episodes before me! Funny thing is even though we don’t talk anymore I know we both “gonna” be tuned in(scary ..mary)

This ad to me is so true though because by the time you get to episode 4 of the first season you realize this dude really lives his head below water. He can never get his act together . The funniest thing is that Terrell after awhile this semester would go welp! You said you loved Hank and thought his life was so captivating now look at you. The first time he said that we laughed so hard. Now when he or I say it I’m susceptible to letting out a heavy sigh or whimper.

Anway the point is and remains that January 9th, Sunday at 9 pm(tomorrow) the show returns. If you’ve never watched before then I suggest you go to surfthechannel.com first and get caught up . For the rest of us Californicationers CHEERs. The real Hank is back!

Yup thats Me! HAHa after a semester where I was stuck in a glass box of emotion , I made it. Not only did I survive the semester and make it out alive but I put up them high grades baby. I might as well cut right to the chase and answer what you want to know from last time. I did pass Chemistry and I did marginally well at that. Not bad for someone who was in fear of failing a class right? Welp you know what they say. What DO they say? They say “hard work pays off” and mine did. I put my heart into those last weeks of school more specifically chemistry and I made it out of the fire.

I actually went a little broke in the process of my celebration. During finals week I told Tumbo that I would buy him and our team 3 rounds to signify the 3.wtv GPA if I got it. This was big for me because I’m on my own streak of academic GPA success and it was so important for me to get stay in the 3. club for this first semester. For obvious reasons ANYONE would want to be in the 3’s but this being the first semester I didn’t want to find myself having to dig out of a hole and put in twice the work just to get my head above water. Thing is when I told Tumbo ,although I was being serious about my bet. I didn’t always feel I would be able to get there , I just didn’t see it. None the less I’ve learned that the best thing to do is just put your head down and work..just work. So now with those grades I found myself having to live up to my end of the deal. Hard work had done its part. Three rounds for 4 other people is a lot of bread though no? Suffice to say I most likely won’t be making that offer again…but then again who knows Finals week does something to ya man.

Obviously this post is weeks after the actual release of grades, but I really wanted to take some time. See during this semester time was never on my side. This was a really trying semester on me , emotionally more than mentally. So I decided to just give myself that quiet time , just to take deep breaths, moments of nothingness and just to truly appreciate the success that I experienced in a semester that didn’t always look good.

Although these people already know I do want to say thank you. Thank you to my sister: I truly love you, and you are my rock , my shoulder , my guide , your everything in my life…Everything. I also want to thank my niece Gemma although your only 2 months old and can’t even keep your eyes open unless they are on that bottle you’ve become an indescribable source of love in me and your birth was the trip that helped me get my semester back on track. To my Team C**Ns/ NYR I already paid yall in rounds and I’m on a self imposed word count limit so *salute* . My parents (financially and  love wise the support is to much to pay back…esp the money part i don’t plan to give that back lol). Lastly to myself. I promised I would never leave myself out of ANY thank you’s cause my life has been for the better ever since I took full control and responsibility . Keep up the good work make yourself proud .. Affirmation is something huh?

Crunch, crunch, crunch

The snow crunching beneath every footstep not too loud, not too quite just enough to not be intrusive. It provided the perfect monotone backdrop to his thoughts.  As he wandered home, many thoughts raced through his mind. “This test wasn’t that bad, in fact it was probably the fairest one” Hmm he thought “I wonder if I did well enough”. The thoughts soon started streaming out in a frantic succession “Yeah the test might not have been bad but that doesn’t mean You did good either-well what is good eno-it be a shamed that on the easiest test of the semester you still don’t do wel-“ A cold wind momentarily interrupted his thoughts.

After days of anxious studying and fussing over the chapters the big day had finally come. “One way or another I’m glad its over with…at least I hope so” Kwame thought as fears of having to repeat the course flashed through his mind. The day had been a long and trying one. The day of the chemistry final had finally arrived. But before that Goliath could be faced, he had dealt with two exams earlier in the day. As had been the case throughout the semester those exams came and went with ease. “Worse case scenario I’ll get a low 80 on either test, realistically though I probably got somewhere in the high 80’s to mid 90’s but chemistry though…”. His mind wandered back over the chemistry exam trying his hardest to gauge how well he had done.  It was fitting of the day if not the week. In his pocket his phone silently and patiently blinked with the reminder that he had 2 days worth of ignored and unanswered text messages from friends. All day long he had secluded himself from focusing on anything outside of the finals, study breaks were met not with moments to relax and watch TV but instead to study for the other two exams pushed to the bottom of the totem.

Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch…

For the first time Kwame noticed the sound of the hard snow beneath his boots. Just two hours before he had made the same trip in the opposite direction, however the footprints like his optimism had vanished. He shook his head half in disappoint half in amazement as to how both had abandoned him so quickly.

As he turned the corner and approached his apartment, Kwame allowed himself to put things into perspective and depart from the gloomy attitude that had accompanied the walk. “I actually learned A Lot to say the least”. He recounted the conversations about the potential dangers of hydrafracking, the call home to his mother in disbelief about a chemical as dangerous as fluoride being in drinking water despite obvious health risk, and learning what Global Warming was exactly and what the causes were. On the doorstep to his apartment he allowed himself one last thought “ I tried. Overall I wish I could have done better in this class this semester some how, some way ; but  I did the best I could today, whether my best was good enough… I don’t know”

We’ll have to wait and see…

:::Heavy Sigh::

People are saying “the semester is almost over!!!! I’m so excited” but in a way for me THIS IS the semester. I have the biggest exam of the sem on Tuesday. Right after two OTHER exams is the dreaded Chemistry: Environmental & Public Concern final. Anyone and everyone I’ve spoken to at some point in these last 4 1/2 months has heard me bemoan about this class. It’s been the thorn in my side, the dirty little mud on my clean and pristine GPA avg.

Chemistry by far isn’t my strongest subject in fact next to math its the worse! All semester I’ve been behind in class and on exams. However  I’ve tried to work even harder. I’ve done the extra credit when I rather be home, kept my eyes glued to the power point slides most of all ,I’ve not given up .

So this Tuesday after all the in mental strain and hoola hoops my mind will have been put through for the first few finals. I will once again walk into the classroom , anxiety sky high, confidence fluctuating between thoughts of “I’ve prepared for this I’m good” & “OMG this test this test this test” and I will face chemistry for the last time. For all the marbles(30% of final grade) and I’ll put to rest one of the hardest challenges I’ve faced since I’ve arrived. I’ll win though because.

I didn’t give up….I Never gave up

-Kwa

Man, I felt super guilty I haven’t been around these parts in forever! Life has been super crazy . I’d say I cant even explain it but I definitely will attempt to…just not right now.

My blog has probably been the best snap shot of what kind of semester this has been for me. That would consist of plenty of high hopes, many a day dreams, one to many broken promises (like the introspection series right? I know) and never able to stay in one spot ling enough to accomplish it all(me blogging every week now to every 3 weeks). This has been Fall 10′ for me. What can you expect though, That’s rhetorical by the way. You have to have an adjustment period at some point and the work has to be put in to get the desired results no?

Well if I didn’t know that before I certainly do now. As it is I’m typing this from the computer lab in the Campus Center , stealing precious moments of freedom to show you all that I am alive. There is plenty left to be accomplished and completed in these two short weeks. Will I be back to keep you abreast on how I’m coping ummm you never know. Lets agree no more broken promises this semester alright?

In the meantime I’m going to get back to this studying and academic vortex of stress, lack of time and panic and I hope you as well as myself the best.

– Kwame Forever in a Daze of newness and madness Belle